Two Nuns, Chastity and the Drowning Young Man

On By MaryIn Cloister of the Sisters of Mary Magdalene, growth into humanity, spiritual growthLeave a comment

Not far from Flemington there is a cloistered convent of the good sisters of Saint Mary Magdalene. Sisters living in a cloister have chosen to set themselves apart from the rest of society, and have dedicated themselves to a simple life of prayer, work and community within the walls of the convent.  Sisters of this Order have pledged themselves to pray always, and as do all religious, to honor the vows of poverty, chastity and obedience. 

As it happens, this convent is very near to the Raritan River, and so, on occasion, the sisters will walk along the river, often in pairs, as they chant their devotions. One balmy spring afternoon, just after one of those torrential ‘spring showers’ that we are wont to have in central New Jersey, two of the good sisters were strolling along the banks of the river which was rushing past them with three times its normal volume and twice its speed, struggling to carry off the drainage from the rains. As the sisters walked and prayed in silence, they noticed a young man in the river, obviously in trouble, going under for the third time. Without hesitation, Sister Visentia shed her outer robes, jumped into the river, pulled out the young man – who she soon noticed was quite, well, shall we say, unclothed – and administered mouth to mouth resuscitation to him to help restart his breathing.  Very quickly he was revived. He concurrently noticed his own nakedness and saw that the two women were Sisters from the cloister. Embarrassed, he profusely thanked Sister Visentia, covered what he could with his hands, and ran off down the river away from the convent grounds.  Sister Visentia put her robes back on, and the two Sisters continued their prayerful walk along the river.

Sometime later, after they had walked and prayed for a goodly while, Sister Septimus turned to Sister Visentia, looked at her accusingly and said, “How could you so callously break your vows without any hesitation or remorse? You tore your close off in front of a man, you touched his body in all of its nakedness, and you pressed your lips to his! And now you continue to walk and pray as if nothing aberrant has happened! Have you no shame or remorse? Have you no respect for your vows?!?”

Sister Visentia looked very calmly at Sister Septimus and replied, “Well Sister, I only did what was necessary to save the life of one of our Creator’s blessed souls. What could be greater respect for my vows, for the commitment of our community to honor the Creator’s work in all that we do? How could I let such a fine example of that creation be lost before its time? And, besides, my dear Sister, I put that young man’s body down a long time ago, right there on the bank of the river where I found him. Why are you still carrying his naked body with you all this time later?”

Why indeed. The letter and the spirit of the law, the letter and the spirit of our commitments and goals can at times seem to be in conflict.

I really like this story because it reminds me of the importance of remembering what is really important, the essence of our goals and commitments. It also reminds me of the importance of letting go; of the importance of forgiveness; of the self incrimination and futility of judging others. 

If I were REALLY doing a total rewrite of the story instead of the minor tweaking liberties that I took, I would have Sister Visentia turn to Sister Septimus and sing song: “I am rubber and you are glue, and whatever you think or say about me, bounces off me and sticks on you!”  But I guess that really doesn’t fit with the spirit of the story, so I won’t.  I will indulge in one more moral though: remember Fritz Perls assertion that 80% percent of what we see is a projection of our own stuff.  That should give us pause when we are ready to indict someone for what their words or actions implied.  Was it implied, or are we reading our own fear, guilt or suppressed desires onto the canvas of someone else’s life? Indeed, “I am rubber and you are glue, and whatever you think or say about me, bounces off me and sticks on you!”

Parable of the Cracked Pot

On By MaryIn growth into humanity, love1 Comment

There was a woman who lived out in the country, not far from where I grew up in North East Pennsylvania, she lived so far out in the country, that her home did not have electricity or running water. So, each morning, she would take up her yoke with a large pot hanging on both ends, and down to the spring she would walk to get her water for the day.

 One of the pots was seamless and always carried its full capacity of water back to the home. The other pot had a crack in it, and by the time they arrived home, it was only half full. This journey went on for several years, with the woman arriving home with only one and half post of water to her home each day. Now, of course anthropomorphism was alive and well there and in this story! So, the seamless pot was proud of its accomplishments, and would often taunt the cracked pot about its failure to deliver.

 And of course, the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and was miserable that is was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do. After years of what is perceived to be bitter failure, with a sad heart, one day, the cracked pot spoke to the woman as they stood on the edge of the stream: “I am so ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house. I feel a failure. I let you down each day as you work so hard at your tasks.”

 The woman said to the pot, “Did you not notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side? That is because I have always known about your structure, and I planted flowers on your side of the path. Every day while we walk back, you’ve watered them. For years, I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house, to make our house a home.”

 One moral of the story: each of us has our own unique structure and possibilities. We’re all cracked pots. But it is the cracks and idiosyncrasies we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. It is those very diversities that add spice and zest to life! we’ve just got to take each person for who they are and look for the good in them. To see the goodness in someone, to will and to act to make that goodness grow – that is love, that is the deepest respect for human dignity. We just need to be awake to the possibilities and the potentials.

Perspective. Awareness. Awe. And the Surfer Dude in the desert

On By MaryIn growth into humanityLeave a comment

Life and death are grave matters.
All things pass quickly away
Each of us must be completely alert:
Never neglectful, never indulgent.

This is a Zen saying, the evening message at many Zen sangha’s (communities).

 To be awake, to be alert, to be attentive to our own inner state and to our surroundings is pretty much the foundation for all work, no matter what the work … work for social justice and human rights, work as a social worker, work as a writer, all good work seems to build on a foundation of awareness.

 Anne Lamott has written at least seven novels, an award winning book on how to write (Bird by Bird), and she conducts writing workshops. One of her workshops was recorded and is available as an audio book: “Word by Word.”  Early in that audio book, she talks about the importance of awareness. She tells the story of a young man walking through the desert. I would assume this is in California, because the east coast does not have deserts as far as I know (and I do live in New Jersey, spend a lot of time in Cape Cod, and I have visited my sister in North Carolina; so I have some first hand knowledge of the geography of the east coast.). Anyway, Lamott’s young man who is walking through the desert is actually a bit of a surfer dude, completely decked out in full body wet suit, goggles, snorkel, zinc oxide on the nose, swim fins over the shoulder; he is walking due west along the roadside. Eventually a car comes up, and pauses alongside him. The woman driving the car asks him if he is OK. Surfer Dude, says sure, he is heading to the ocean. The woman notes as how the ocean is 500 miles away. The Surfer says, “hey but look at this most amazing beach.”

 Perspective. Awareness. Awe.

keep your heart open to new perceptions

On By MaryIn growth into humanity, loveLeave a comment

When you work for social justice and human rights – when you work towards any long term goal, it is very easy to get frustrated and give up. It is very easy to stifle the creativity and enthusiasm of those who are new to the work, to squash their ideas saying: we already tried that, and it didn’t work. That dog don’t hunt!

Here is a story that reminds us, you just never know. Just don’t give up. And ALWAYS keep an open heart – and an open mind.

I read this story in Thich Nhat Hanh’s book,  Thundering Silence: Sutra on Knowing the Better Way to Catch a Snake.  (1993). Berkeley, CA: Parallax Press.

One day while a father is away from his home in a small village, a band of terrorists came to the village, pillaged, plundered, burned all of the houses to the ground, and kidnapped all of the children, including the man’s son. When the father returned to the village, he was overcome with grief. He saw the charred corpse of a child in the ashes of what had been him home. He wept inconsolably, beat his chest, and performed funeral rites for his son. Then he put the ashes into an embroidered pouch, which he carried around his neck wherever he went, as was the custom in his culture.

Many months later, after the village had been rebuild, the man’s son was able to escape from the terrorists and the boy found his way home. That night, at about midnight, the boy knocked on the door of his father’s rebuilt home. But the father held tight to the pouch with his son’s ashes with tears streaming down his face refused to open the door. The child called out his name, but the man was convinced that his son was dead, and that the child at the door was someone mocking his grief. Finally the boy gave up and went away. The father and son remained separated.

            If we are immovably convinced of our conclusions, if we close our minds and hearts to new and renewed experiences and expressions of love, even when love and truth knock on our door, we will refuse to let them in. In Emma, Jane Austen offers an important caution, lest we presume knowledge more comprehensive than it is: “Seldom, very seldom does complete truth belong to any human disclosure; seldom can it happen that something is not a little disguised or a little mistaken.”  Remember: there are no immaculate perceptions! Always be open to trying once more with feeling.

doing well with the best of intentions — maybe

On By MaryIn stories for social changeLeave a comment

A pair of somewhat universally acknowledged ethical mandates set out the expectation that we should do no harm, and that where possible we should do some good.  Terry Goodkind, author of the Sword of Truth series spells out 11 Wizards Rules. The second rule is that the greatest harm can result from the best intentions.  It can be very hard to predict the consequences of our actions, even those actions we undertake with the best of intentions. … that gives me pause when I think about acting to bring about social change. It really gives me pause when I catch myself thinking that my way, my idea, my plan is better than someone else’s way, plan or idea.

 Here’s Zen story that helps me to think more generously about doing well with the best of intentions.  

 Ludwik was a farmer in a small Polish village where my grandparents grew up. Ludwik worked his fields with all his energy for many years. One day his horse ran way. When the neighbors heard the news, they came to commiserate with the farmer on his bad luck. “Taka szkoda.” They said.

 “It’s a pit! How awful for you” Ludwik just shrugged and said: “May be”

 The next day, the horse returned, bringing with it three wild horses. “To wspaniałe!  — How wonderful,” the neighbors exclaimed. “May be,” Ludiwk replied.

 The next day the Ludwik’s son Pawel tried to ride one of the wild horses. He was thrown, and broke his leg. Again the neighbors came saying “Taka szkoda” to offer their sympathy. “May be,” Ludwik  replied.

 Well, a few days go by and then the army passed through the village to draft young men into service. Because  Pawel’s leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors again sought out Ludwig saying ” To wspaniałe!” congratulating him on how well things had turned out for his family. “May be,”  Ludwik simple said.

 What is doing good? What will cause harm? It’s hard to know beneficence in the short run may have profound unintended consequences in the longer run. What feels harmful today, well … if it doesn’t kill you it will only make you stronger?!?

the butterfly effect and efforts to help

On By MaryIn alchemy, change, stories for social change1 Comment

Alchemy is all about change. And, if there will be justice and respect for human rights in this world of our, then some fairly serious change is necessary. And, yet, the right change, at the right time, in the right place, with the right people, in the right way is essential.  I am much more inclined to believe that the means define then ends than I am to accede to the ends defining the means. As story that I love to tell about the important of patience and ends and means and about respect for the dignity and abilities of others involves a little girl who LOVED butterflies. The way I tell it …

Once, in a place far away and very near, there was a young girl who was fascinated with butterflies.  She loved to see their colors, to watch them glide and sail on the breezes.  Her favorite plant in the field next to her home was the resplendent butterfly bush.  One spring, just before she turned 13, just as she was beginning to see with clearer eyes and a heart yearning to mend the suffering of the world, she was meticulously watching the cocoons, watching for the first butterflies to emerge.  She ever so patiently watched, attending to the suffering of the chrysalis  as it struggled to break the bonds of the cocoon, straining for the freedom of life as a butterfly.  Her heart yearned to help. She ached with sadness for the struggle. And, then it came to her. She went into her fathers workshop, found his exacto knife, and ever so gentle, ever so delicately, she cut the slightest incision in the cocoon, transforming the chrysalis in to the butterfly it was meant to be.  It burst out of the cocoon, spread its beautiful wings, floated gracefully for a moment, and then tumbled to crash into the red maple tree next to the butterfly bush. She watched as the infant butterfly struggle to straighten its wings. It struggled, and seemed to tire, and then just faded into the mulch at the base of the tree.  Heartbroken our girl-child ran to her grandmother and told her what happened. 

Grandmother gathered the girl into her arms, smiled through her tears, “My granddaughter,” she said, “your heart is warm and wonderful. You must challenge your intellect to grow to the same depth in its knowledge and wisdom.  The chrysalis in the cocoon must struggle for its freedom to build its strength for flight and freedom and survival in this world.  When you rescued it before its time, when you cut it free too soon, it had built the strength in its wings to fly, and so it could not do what it needed to do to live.  Each of us, Child, must live through our own struggles, to build the strengths and skills we will need for our lives. If you would help, you must know when and how to enter the struggles of others so that each finds her own best strength and power.

What you see is what you get — A visit to a Quaker community

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Fritz Perls, the founder of Gestalt Psychology, says that 90% of what we see is projection. It is pretty well known that witness testimony can be unreliable. This story is a nice example of why seeing should not be believing. And, if we will work well for social justice and human rights, we need to be able to ‘play well with others’, we need to be able to share clear and accurate empathy for each others’ circumstances, situations, beliefs, practices and feelings.

The story is a well known Quaker story, told by Kenneth Boulding in his article “the ethics of rational decision” which was published in Management Science, vol 12, no 6 pp 161 -169.

In the story a Quaker Friend  was asked by a new comer to his community, what type of people lived there.

The Quaker asks the newcomer, “Well, sir, what kind of people did you live among before you came to be here?”

The newcomer replied, “Oh, I lived among a mean, suspicious, unfriendly, treacherous bunch of people.”

Whereupon the Quaker replied, “Well, I am very sorry, sir, but you will probably find the same type of people here.”

Going down the road, the Quaker meets another newcomer to the community, who asks him the very same question about the kind of people she can expect to encounter in the new community. And the Quaker similarly asks her, “What kind of people did you live among before you came to be here?”

“Oh,” said the woman, “I lived among a fine group of people, friendly and honest, and I was heartfelt sorry to leave them.”

Whereupon the Quaker said, “I am glad to say, friend, you will find the same kind of people here.”

Clear and accurate empathy was NOT the strong suit in the expectations voiced in this story. It is kind of a humors example of projection. Empathy for others is tricky business.  Without significant self awareness empathy is not possible. Our expectations and personal biases frame and shape the meanings we attribute to experiences and interactions. To develop empathy for others, we need set aside our personal biases and to “feel the meeting of their consciousness and the world, to feel the full value of the meanings of emotions and ideas in their relations with each other, and to understand, in the glimpse of a moment, the freshness of things and their possibilities (Rukeyser, 1949, 1974, 1996, p. x).”

the elder and the two wolfs

On By MaryIn change, stories for social changeLeave a comment

I like this story a lot because it helps me to think more kindly about myself and about others and our struggles and imperfections ….

 

There is a story that is told by a Cherokee Elder to her grandchildren. She speaks of a terrible fight going on inside each of us. It is a feral and fierce fight between two wolves.  One wolf embodies fear, anger, regrets, greed, arrogance, self-pity, resentment and hubris. The other wolf embodies love, compassion, joy, equanimity, peace, kindness, generosity, sharing, truth and humility.  This battle rages within each and every person.” She paused here for a moment to sit back and ponder, to let the story settle and find its depth.

One of her grandchildren whispers, “which wolf wins?”

Laughing, she answered, “the one you feed.”

 

three questions from Russia with love

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 Lev Tolstoy (1828 – 1910) was a prolific Russian writer who is widely known for his novels, War and Peace and Anna Karenina. He was also a philosopher. And he also wrote essays,  poetry and short stories.

One of my favorite short stories that he wrote is “The Three Questions” (Muth & Tolstoy, 2002; Tolstoy, 1903, 2005). In the story a King decides that if he knew the right time to begin anything, the right people to listen to, and the most important thing to do, he would never fail in his endeavors. And so the King sets off in search of answers to his questions.  After much searching, the King comes upon a hermit, who ignores the King and continues with his own work. After a time, the King takes up the hermits spade and helps him with his gardening, and subsequently helps to bandage and care for a wounded man who comes upon the King and the hermit. These actions indirectly save the King’s life – through the delay in his travel, and his care of the wounded man the King circumvents a revenge plot on the his life by the wounded man and his sons. As he prepares to leave the hermit, the King asks his questions once more. The hermit replies that the questions have already been answered:

“If you had not pitied my weakness yesterday, and had not dug these beds for me, but had gone your way, that man would have attacked you, and you would have repented of not having stayed with me. So the most important time was when you were digging the beds; and I was the most important man; and to do me good was your most important business. Afterwards, when that man ran to us, the most important time was when you were attending to him, for if you had not bound up his wounds he would have died without having made peace with you. So he was the most important man, and what you did for him was your most important business. Remember then: there is only one time that is important – Now! It is the most important time because it is the only time when we have any power. The most necessary man is he with whom you are, for no man knows whether he will ever have dealings with any one else.  And the most important affair is, to do him good, because for that purpose alone was man sent into this life! (Tolstoy, 1903, 2005)”

When? Who? What? When is the right time for to work for justice and human rights? Who are the right people to engage in our work? What are the right tasks to bring about the alchemy of justice and rights?  Now those are some questions worth tackling with all the love in our hearts!

 

where are we? is it tortoises all the way down?

On By MaryIn change, cosmology, stories for social change1 Comment

So, where are we? It is a common enough question. It can refer to where we are in the process of a discussion or analysis of an issue or problem. It can refer to where we are geographically (especially if I am the navigator). It can refer to the status of a relationship in the process of flux, growth or some developmental junction. It can refer to most anything in the process of change.

So, ‘where are we’ is worth thinking about as we think about change for social justice and human rights, yes?

Where are we? Maybe one of the more famous responses to that simple poses, where ever you go, there you are!  Most area maps will clearly demarcate ‘You are here.’ But … where is that? Ah, I feel a story coming on ….

Well, Steven Hawking, in a Brief History of Time credits this story to Bertrand Russell.  Hawking says Russell was giving a lecture on astronomy, and was discussing how the earth orbits around a vast collection of stars called the galaxy. At the end of the lecture, a woman stood up and said, “what you have told us is rubbish. The world is a flat plate supported on the back of four elephants, who stand on a great tortoise.”  Russell is said to have smiled, and asked what the tortoise stands on. The woman very calmly replied, “very clever, but of course it is tortoises all the way down.” [of course the earth is round and not flat, but the elephants could just as easily be holding up a giant globe, no?]

Ken Wilber is a fairly prolific author. He writes about integral theory. Wilber tells a very similar story that he attributes to Hindu mythology/cosmology.

And, so I ask: Where are we? And what is at the base of it all? What ground do we really stand on? Or is there any? Are we really just floating/flying through space?