Month: May 2015

Reflections of Summertime, Balance and the Need for Play

On By MaryIn Advise, growth into humanity2 Comments

Now that I am retired and have time to think and recently I find myself thinking about the importance of balance, and well, the importance of rest and play. When I was working, success at work was my primary goal for a good long while. Then my partner caught cancer, and doing my best to take care of her was not just my primary goal, it was my only goal. Now I find myself thinking about balance: work and play, self and others, doing and being.

As if to remind me of the importance of balance between work and play, I came across this story in Joan Chittister’s book “Wisdom Distilled from the Daily.”

One day a traveler in the desert came across good Sister Scholastica who was relaxing and enjoying herself with the other sisters. The traveler was shocked, and taunted the sisters saying, “What kind of monastics were they to be out playing like that?!?”

Sister Scholastica asked the traveler if he had a bow and arrow. And the fellow allowed as how he did. The good sister then asked him to shoot an arrow off toward the far distant horizon. He did. And she said, now shoot another. He did. And Sister Scholastica said, “Shoot your bow again. Keep shooting; keep shooting; keep shooting!” Finally the traveler said, “But if I bend my bow so much I will break it.”

And Sister Scholastica said to him, “It is just the same with the work of holiness and with the work for justice. If we stretch ourselves beyond measure, we will break. Sometimes it is necessary to take the time to meet our other needs as well.”

When the traveler heard those words, he was saw their wisdom and repented of his rebuke to Sister Scholastica. And the other sisters were strengthened in their sense of community.

Further in the book, Chittister notes that Talmud Scholars have commented on the importance of rest.  When we rest from our work, we create a time and space to evaluate where we have been, how far we have come, and the quality of what we have done. When we rest we open time and space to contemplate the meaning of life, and the meaning of our own life as we have chosen to live it.

So, yes the work that you are doing IS important. AND it is important to remember that if you overwork a bow it will break, if you overwork yourself, you too will break. So, take a deep breath and go out and play for a while! After all it is summer time and the living should be easy.

Austerity or Exuberance which path will you follow?

On By MaryIn happinessLeave a comment

Once upon a time, during the time of Siddhartha Gautama, when he was an embodied enlightened one, Siddhartha would send out traveling disciples to carry his teachings and to enable communication among groups of monks who were practicing his middle way.

I have read that one of those traveling monks was called Sadhonna.  On his travels, Sadhonna came across a monk who was a dedicated and faithful practice of Samadhi, the practice of self-denial. This monk took asceticism to its highest level. The fellow was bone thin, literally you could see his bones under his skin. As he sat and meditated in the lotus position, Sadhonna noticed that the fellow was sitting on an anthill, and that he did not even twitch as the ants tugged and nibbled on his skin.   Sadhonna asked him, “Brother, I am on my way to see the Buddha. Is there any word you would like me to carry to him?”

Brother Samadhi grimaced and said, “Please ask the Buddha how many more lifetimes I must endure before I attain Budddhahood.”

Sadhonna promised that he would pass this question along to the Buddha. And Sadhonna continued along on his way.

In another day or so, Sadhonna heard some slightly discordant singing. As he walked on, he came across a fellow dressed in monk’s clothing exuberantly singing and dancing in a clearing in the woods. Clearly this monk was a bit inept, but was delighting in the song and dance none the less, and was putting his full heart and soul into it.  Sadhonna watched for a short while and then inquired of the monk, “Brother Ebullience, I am on my way to see the Buddha. Is there any word you would like me to carry to him?”

The monk paused in his song and dance, thought for a moment, smiled and said, “yes, would you ask him when I will reach my enlightenment?”

Sadhonna promised that he would pass this question along to the Buddha, and he continued malong on his way.

After a while, Sadhonna returned and found Brother Samadhi. By then his flesh was thinner than paper, with his bones protruding through in places. Sadmonna told him that the Buddha had answered his question and said that in four more lifetimes he would reach enlightenment. Brother Samadhi grimaced, thanked Sadhonna, and continued his practices of austerity.

Sadhonna continued along on his way and found Brother Ebullience who continued to sing and dance with unbridled enthusiasm, still discordant and disjointed in his efforts. And to this monk Sadhonna also offered, “The Buddha has answered your question.”

The dancing monk paused and queried, “How many more lifetimes?”

Sadhonna pointed to a huge fig tree growing near where the two men were standing. The tree had thousands of leaves on its branches each dancing in the sunlight singing with the wind. Sadhonna said, “As many as there are leaves on the branches of that tree.”

The dancing monk looked up at the tree and the leaves and laughed, and instantly attained enlightenment.

 

And the point of the story for me? You are going to be alive anyway, you might just as well enjoy what you are doing!

And, so in the words of William Purkey, you might just as well, “dance like there’s nobody watching, love like you’ll never be hurt, sing like there’s nobody listening, and live like it’s heaven on earth.”

What’s a Mother to do? The Days After Mother’s Day

On By MaryIn anti-racism, Choices we makeLeave a comment

Happy belated Mother’s Day one and all!  Because even if we have not given birth, we are all some kind of mother (put the accent where you will), we are all mother’s of invention.

I recently read a blog by a friend of mine, and she got me thinking about this question: What would YOU do to save your son or daughter in a moment when he or she might be putting herself/himself in harms way?

Far too many of our sons and daughters are subject to random acts of violence and senseless acts of cruelty.  There are not enough random acts of kindness nor senseless acts of beauty to balance the scales of any act of violence or cruelty and there have been far too many acts of violence and cruelty of late. My friend Rosi is right when she says we need to change the social structures. We need to build families, churches, governments, workplaces, media, social welfare systems that foster human dignity, growth and potential, that enable people to empower themselves. And I think we also, concurrently, need to change hearts, minds and actions on the interpersonal, ordinary day level so that the building of those new social structures is conceived in love, dignity and compassion.  And, I think Mother’s Love is just a fine foundation upon which to build all of that.

Here is the blog that spurred my thinking. It comes to us from

CHARLEENALDERFER familygram’s blog https://charleenalderfer.wordpress.com/2015/05/06/whats-a-mother-to-do/.

She posted it on May 6, 2015. I thought it would be appropriate to share it today, the day after Mother’s Day.

Thank You Charleen!

WHAT’S A MOTHER TO DO?

A tall, young black male enters the frame.  He wears a hoodie and jeans and carries the ubiquitous backpack.  He turns occasionally and looks back toward the camera.  In the background is a large gathering of people.  He seems to be headed in their direction. Suddenly, a woman dressed in yellow appears in the frame.  She is moving quickly in the direction of the young man.  While clearly older than he is, she is both matronly and attractive.  Intuitively, one knows she is his mother.  As she closes the distance between them, he continues at his same pace still turning to look toward her.  When she is close enough, she grabs his hoodie and he pulls away.  It is evident that he does not want to do what she is asking.  He reaches out and she grabs his arm with one hand and with other hits him on the head.  Now, we think, he will pull free and run.  But he does not run,.  He continues to resist.  The tug of war goes on and then, slowly, he goes with her.

This street in Baltimore has been in the news for the last few weeks.  It has been the scene of protests, both peaceful a violent. This young man was going to join the protestors in a setting which had turned toward violence. His mother saw him while watching the activity on TV.  She acted on her emotion and her instinct and ran after him to bring him home.  “Violence breeds violence” has been another kind criticism.  Hitting him just perpetuates violence. As a family therapist, I believe this is true if it is persistent and becomes a way of life.  We don’t know if this is the case for this mother and son.

If that were my son, I would do whatever it takes to get him.  My first thought would be that he might become Freddie Gray –   arrested and fatally injured in a police van.  My next thought would be to get him away from angry protesters who could convince him to join them.  I would want him home and safe.  What would a mother do to make that happen?  A slap on the side of the head got his attention.  The truth is that he didn’t resist that much.  He didn’t fight back, he didn’t try to run and he didn’t hit his mother. He could have done any of those things; he could even have pushed her down.  he was bigger, stronger, younger. Instead, he went with her.  Think about it.  What you do to save your son in that moment?

 

Thinking about Human Rights on Ordinary Days in Small Places Close to Home

On By MaryIn compassion, human rightsLeave a comment

A couple of weeks ago I got to see Audra McDonald perform in concert. The woman is breath-taking. She has such an amazing talent. She had such an open heart. As I listened to her sing, I found myself thinking about Eleanor Roosevelt – it is pretty odd the pathways that my mind is wont to wander, but for the most part they are happy trails, and so I am content to follow the yellow brick road.

So that night, one of the songs that Audra McDonald sang got me to thinking about Eleanor’s often quoted speech fragment from the tenth anniversary of the signing of the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Now, I suspect you will either have never heard of this, or you will have heard it SO many times that you can halfway recite it in your sleep. Either way, please give it a read, once more with feeling. Think about what her words are really suggesting as she challenges us to think about the roots of human rights:

Where, after all, do universal human rights begin? In small places, close to home — so close and so small that they cannot be seen on any map of the world. Yet they are the world of the individual person: the neighborhood he lives in; the school or college he attends; the factory, farm or office where he works. Such are the places where every man, woman, and child seeks equal justice, equal opportunity, equal dignity without discrimination. Unless these rights have meaning there, they have little meaning anywhere. Without concerted citizen action to uphold them close to home, we shall look in vain for progress in the larger world.

Every time I read that paragraph I remember E. F. Schumacher’s injunction to think globally but act locally.

And all of that reminds me that in many ways it is easy to be a verbal, maybe even a financial, advocate for people on the other side of the planet. Truth be told, I find it much harder to consistently be compassionate and to always respect the human dignity of the people I meet closer to home on ordinary days, those people who can frustrate the crap out of me. But I do believe that Miss Eleanor is saying it is those very people who live in the small places close to our homes where the presence and practice of human rights must take its roots. And then of course we should do all that we can to have it spread like kudzu!

So, what tune was it that Audra McDonald sang that got me thinking about all of this? The song is “I’ll be there” from an off Broadway Play called, “Ordinary Days.”  Have a listen. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aku-s6yPplc    And have a box of tissues with you. When she sang it, there was not a dry eye in the theater.