Two frogs but no spilt milk

Once upon a time there were two frogs. These frogs were the best of friends, and went nowhere without each other. Well, one day the frogs found themselves in a dairy barn. They were exploring around, hopping here and there, and just checking things out when the cows began to wander back into the barn. Well, the frogs had never seen animals quite that large, and they were in fear for their lives, afraid that the cows would accidentally step on one or both of them.

This is the story of two frogs. One frog was fat and the other skinny. One day, while searching for food, they inadvertently jumped into a vat of milk. They couldn’t get out, as the sides were too slippery, so they were just swimming around. Without thinking or looking, they two of them jumped into a huge vat of milk to get out of the way. They swam around in the vat for a while, and then things with the cows quieted down, so the frogs decided it was time to get out of the vat and head home. So they began to try to leap out of the vat. But it was too deep. They could not reach the bottom to gain any leverage for leaping. And the sides of the vat were too slippery from the milk fat, and they could not gain any traction to push off a side.

One frog looked at the other and said, “Bud, there is no use paddling any longer. We are just going to drown here in this milk. We might just as well save our energy and give up.”

But the other frog was wiser, and said, “Hang on Bud, keep paddling. Someone may come along and get us out.” And the two frogs kept paddling for hours and hours. But no one came into the barn. By then it was dark. And the first frog said, “Bud, it is no use, no one is coming. I’m exhausted. We are doomed. There is no way out.”

And the wiser frog said, “Just keep paddling. Something will happen, just keep trying.” And a few more hours went by. But still nothing.

The first frog said, “Bud, I can’t go on. You know what they call it when you keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? That, my friend is insanity.” And with that the first frog gave up and he drowned in the milk.

But Bud kept paddling. And a few minutes later he felt something solid under his feet. He had churned the milk into butter. Standing on that, he leapt out of the vat.

And the moral of the story? What do you think? Was Bud wiser?

With thanks to Roger Darling (www.rogerdarlington.me.uk) for the heart of the story.

 

Jane Addams and her meeting with Leo Tolstoy

Jane Addams has long been one of my heroes.  The woman had guts and grit. She took a while to find herself, but find herself she did, and she did it in an era when women were expected, when women were all but required to pass their lives barefoot and pregnant tending to hearth and home.

Miss Jane was born in Cedarville, Illinois on September 6, 1860. To help with time reference, the Civil war was fought from 1861 until 1865. Her mother died when Jane was very young, so she was mostly raised by her father. Jane and her dad had a very close relationship, and he saw to it that she was well educated, which was pretty ground breaking at the time. So, Jane finished college, and then stood there looking into the future and trying to envision her life and she drew a blank. For lots of reasons including health, she sank into a malaise – today we would probably call it depression. Fortunately for her, Jane was the daughter whose father had some means, so she was able to take a couple of trips to Europe and England.

While she was in England on her second trip she visited Toynbee Hall, which was a community of young people committed to helping the poor of London by living among them. She was inspired by what she saw, by the effect of their social reform efforts. So, home she came, she connected with her friend Ellen Starr Gates, and in September of 1889, together they started Hull House, a settlement house in Chicago. Now, it two sentences I have summed up years of work, some of it stumbling and bumbling. But, the outcomes were quite amazing.  Hull House initiated a little theater, a juvenile court, and labor organizations; worked for child labor laws, sponsored adult education courses, cultural exchange groups, and an endless list of progressive initiatives.  Hull House became a haven for independent women of fierce creativity and initiative. Many of the women were single, quite a few of them lived in committed relationships with other women. It is fairly well documented that Jane Addams and Mary Rozet Smith sustained a long term committed relationship.

So all of that is background for who Jane Addams was and the work that she did. But one of my favorite stories about Jane Addams is related to one of her heroes, Leo Tolstoy. Tolstoy was a writer and an activist in Russia.  He profoundly advocated solidarity with the common laborer.  In 1896, just about 7 years after she founded Hull House, Jane was recovering from typhoid, and so took a bit of a vacation to Europe with Mary Rozet Smith. While they were there they traveled to see Tolstoy. Story has it that Tolstoy came in from working in the fields, wiped his hands in a towel, took one look at the pair of women who were dressed in the style of the time in long dresses with billowing sleeves, and he said, “Madame I was told you were a reformer who worked with the poor, but the fabric on one arm of your dress would generously make an entire frock for a girl!” Jane was taken aback, but stood her ground. They talked for a while longer, and then Tolstoy learned that part of the funding for Hull House came from Jane Addams estate which included a working farm. Tolstoy then bellowed something like, “So you are an absentee landlord? Do you think you are helping the people more by adding yourself to the crowded city than you would by tilling your own soil?”

A bit taken shaken by the encounter, Jane and Mary left their interview with Tolstoy and continued their trip with the luster of her hero tarnished and with Jane questioning her own confidence and her approach to working at Hull House. When she returned to Chicago she began working in the Hull House bakery. But, by the time her hours at the bakery were done, there would be lines of people waiting to see her, piles of letters waiting to be answered, and human needs and wants waiting. So she decided that saving her soul by baking bread did not justify setting aside the need of real human beings. Rather she saw the value of compassionate and caring leadership.

Was Jane Addams extravagant in her dress? Was Tolstoy self-indulgent in his labor? Time and place matter. The lessons that I take from all of this include the importance of finding your own passions and working to nurture them, and the importance of open, honest, ongoing self-awareness and self-criticism, and the importance of a wide circle of friends whose ideas differ from your own, and who will speak the truth of their hearts to you.

Just to bring things to their proper conclusion, Hull House was not Jane Addams only significant engagement or contribution. She was also a major figure in work for peace in her era. Her peace work was initially strongly criticized, but ultimately she was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1931. She spent the last years of her life working for world peace and an end to racism. Addams died of cancer on May 21, 1935, may she rest in the peace for which she so tenaciously labored.

 

On Seeking Serenity

So, who wouldn’t want a little more peace and serenity in their life, right? And of course the moment I hear the word serenity, I think the serenity prayer from Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, the one that goes: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

But of course Bill W. and Bob S. the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous were not the authors of the prayer. The original Serenity Prayer is attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr, and the full length version is a bit longer than the commonly quoted four verses. The full version says:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

–Reinhold Niebuhr

But, oh, the joys of the internet!! If you do a diligent search of the internet, you can uncover a differentially distributed Serenity Prayer by Myers-Briggs Type! Which of course is funny only if you have a bit of background understanding of the Myers-Briggs Types. So, here is a little on Myers-Briggs Types, followed by the Myers-Briggs Serenity Prayers.  (oh be persistent, read the background, the differentiated Serenity Prayers are funny enough to be worth it).

Excerpted with permission from the MBTI® Manual: A Guide to the Development and Use of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator®

Extraversion (E) or Introversion (I)Favorite world: Do you prefer to focus on the outer world or on your own inner world?

Sensing (S) or Intuition (N)Information: Do you prefer to focus on the basic information you take in or do you prefer to interpret and add meaning?

Thinking (T) or Feeling (F)Decisions: When making decisions, do you prefer to first look at logic and consistency or first look at the people and special circumstances?

Judging (J) or Perceiving (P)Structure: In dealing with the outside world, do you prefer to get things decided or do you prefer to stay open to new information and options?

So, your Myers-Briggs Type is your combination preferences from those four groups. This is a very quick and very, very dirty way of coming at it, but have a look at the four groups, and the questions, and pick out your four preferences. Then have a read below 😉

And here are the Myers-Briggs Type based Serenity Prayers:

 

ISTJ – God, help me to begin relaxing about little details tomorrow at 11:41:32 am

ISFJ – Lord, help me to be more laid back, and help me to do it exactly right

INFJ – Lord, help me not be a perfectionist (Did I spell that right?)

INTJ – Lord, keep me open to others’ ideas, wrong though they may be

ISTP – God, help me to consider people’s feelings, even if most of them are hypersensitive

ISFP – Lord, help me to stand up for my rights (if You don’t mind my asking)

INFP – Lord, help me to finish everything I sta. . .

INTP – Lord, help me be less independent, but let me do it my way.

ESTP – God, help me to take responsibility for my own actions, even though they’re usually not my fault

ESFP – God, help me to take things more seriously especially parties and dancing

ENFP – God, help me keep my mind on one thing – Look, a bird – at a time.

ENTP – God, help me follow established procedures today. On second thought, I’ll settle for a few minutes

ESTJ – God, help me to try not to run everything, but if You need some help, just ask.

ESFJ – Lord, give me patience and I mean right now

ENFJ – God, help me to do only what I can and trust You for the rest. Do You mind putting that in writing?

ENTJ – God, help me to slow downandnotrushthroughwhatIdoAmen.

As Niebuhr says, Forgiveness is the final form of love. Let it be.

 

 

Thinking about money & suspending purchases

A little ago I was driving along the New Jersey Parkway and I came to one of the inevitable toll booths. So, I got my money out, rolled down my window, pulled up and reached out to hand the toll collector the money. She grinned at me, shook her head and said that the person in the car in front of me had already paid my toll. I was kind of mildly stunned. I mean you hear about people doing that kind of thing, but it doesn’t happen to me! So I drove off surprised and smiling. I smiled most of that day and into the next. Then, of course having strong and deep Catholic roots, I woke up and thought, “You damn fool! You should have paid for the car behind you! You should have kept the joy rolling. Damn what a dolt I can be!” And my overdeveloped Catholic guilt crept in and threatened to trash the glow I still had from the gift. And so I resolved to pay it forward the next time I’m on the parkway – and I even put a note in my car in the coin box to remind myself!

Then I remembered a day when I was driving along route 57 in New Jersey on my way to a graduate class at Marywood College in Scranton, PA. There in this small little town that I drove through every week were some guys alongside the road holding white plastic buckets and taking up a collection. Now, I don’t know about you, but where I come from the local volunteer fire departments do this once or twice a year. So I dug down deep into my pocket and pulled out a quarter (this was in the 1970’s and I was a graduate students, so that was big money for me) and I plunked my money into the man’s bucket. As I dropped the quarter into the bucket, I saw the KKK patch on his shirt. UGH. What had I done! I had just given money to a hate group, a hate group that I very much hated. UGH. Double UGH. I felt angry with myself. I felt deceived. I felt like I wanted to, needed to, take a shower. But I kept on driving, went to class, came home, and wrote a check for $5.00 to the United Negro College Fund (remember it was still the 1970’s and I was still a graduate student, so this was really, really big money). I figured this was one time when Martin Luther and his protest against the Roman Catholic practice of buying indulgences could be set aside.

Then I remembered a group in a gay bar that organized a fund raiser concurrent with a picketing event by Fred Phelps and some of his people from the Westboro Baptist Church. Fred Phelps and his people were our carrying their virulent anti-gay signs, demonstrating against something or other as they were wont to do. The group in the bar got people to pledge money, so much per quarter hour that Phelps and his people demonstrated, kind of like you do for people who are participating in a benefit walk, only in this case all of the money raised would go to a local pro-gay advocacy group. So, there was this beautiful ironic paradox – the longer Phelps and his people demonstrated against gay folks, the more the local gay group would benefit! Nice.

 

And then today I was surfing the internet and I found this story about some people who walked into a coffee shop, and as they were standing in line, they heard the folks ahead of them order five coffees, two for them, and three suspend.  As they waited in the line, a few orders later a small group of women ordered eight coffees, one for each of them, and four suspended.

When the new comers placed their order, they asked the barista what ‘suspended’ coffee was. The barista chuckled and asked if there coffee was for there or to go. They said they would be drinking the coffee there. The barista said, “ok, take a table close to the counter and watch.” So they did.

The new folks took a table that was near the counter and had a view of the stream behind the café. They enjoyed their coffees and some conversation for a while. People came, placed their orders, some sat and drank their coffee, some took their coffee to go, quite a few place orders that included suspended coffee, and occasionally a suspended sandwich or soup.

Then just as they were about to leave, wondering what they were supposed to be waiting for, a man dressed in shabby clothes who looked like he could be homeless came in and asked, “do you have a suspended coffee?”

And it dawned on the two visitors, people paid in advance for a coffee or sandwich or bowl of soup that they intended to be held in reserve for someone who could not afford a warm beverage or a meal. Nice.

It is not a solution. Maybe it is not even a step in the right direction. It surely does not address any of the systemic, structural problems that cause and perpetuate poverty. But it does give some comfort and nurturance to individuals in the moment. And that is both necessary and nice too.

Four little stories about money and what we do with it, about what we can do with it. How we spend our money can make a difference, it can bring unexpected joy to someone, it can advance justice, and it can bring comfort. Or not. Think before you spend. Frivolous spending can be a good thing if you do it in the right way, at the right time. Planful, intentional spending can be a very good thing, if you do it in the right way, at the right time. And I don’t know when there is a wrong time to invest in a good cause (as long as you have paid the bills and have purchased enough food to stay healthy and enough books to keep your brain alive).

Winter, Whitman and Awe

It is March in New Jersey. I want to say that everything is STILL blanketed in snow. But the truth is it more feels like everything is smothered in too much snow! And it has been, and is, and it will be brutally cold – it will be for the extent of the forecastable future. I feel like we are being stalked and haunted by winter! And of course, I am certain that all of this has befallen us because the ground hog bit the ear of the mayor! Oh, those ground hogs! Or maybe it is because last year a different mayor dropped the ground hog in Paxatawny, Pa. and that ground hog eventually died of the injuries! It is all the ground hog’s fault this hyper winterness.

And in that context, I just felt like I needed some warmth and some awe in my life. So, while there are more references to God in this poem than I typically include here today this piece from Whitman just seemed to resonate with me. I hope you enjoy it.

 

From Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass (1855)

I have said that the soul is not more than the body,
And I have said that the body is not more than the soul,
And nothing, not God, is greater to one than one’s-self is,
And whoever walks a furlong without sympathy walks to his own funeral, dressed in his shroud,
And I or you pocketless of a dime may purchase the pick of the earth,
And to glance with an eye or show a bean in its pod confounds the learning of all times,
And there is no trade or employment but the young man following it may become a hero,
And there is no object so soft but it makes a hub for the wheeled universe,
And any man or woman shall stand cool and supercilious before a million universes.
And I call to mankind, Be not curious about God,
For I who am curious about each am not curious about God,
No array of terms can say how much I am at peace about God and about death.

I hear and behold God in every object, yet I understand God not in the least,
Nor do I understand who there can be more wonderful than myself.

Why should I which to see God better than this day?
I see something of God each hour of the twenty-four, and each moment then,
In the faces of men and women I see God, and in my own face in the glass;
I find letters from God dropped in the street, and everyone is signed by God’s name,
And I leave them where they are, for I know that others will punctually come forever and ever.